Sometimes I talk to myself because I need expert advice.
I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.
Procrastinate now, panic later.
Why fit in when you were born to stand out in pajamas?
Im not lazy; Im just on energy-saving mode.
If you think Im weird, you should meet my whole family.
Dream big, even if its just napping for five more minutes.
Im on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
I need six months of vacation, twice a year.
I could be a morning person if morning started at noon.
Im not clumsy; I’m just on an adventure with gravity.
I didnt choose the lazy life; the lazy life chose me.
If at first you dont succeed, redefine success.
When nothing goes right, go left.
Im not perfect, but my coffee is.
Tired but inspired; coffee is my muse.
Todays forecast: 100% chance of coffee.
Im a multitasking procrastinator.
Why does getting out of bed have to be so hard?
I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
I eat cake because its somebodys birthday somewhere.
I have a black belt in keeping it real most of the time.
Im just a cupcake in a world full of muffins.
Im not bossy; I just know what you should be doing.
Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet: no one really knows how.
I cant adult today; please dont make me.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
If only my wallet was as full as my to-do list.
I cant help being fabulous; its a full-time job.
My brain has too many tabs open.
Running late is my cardio.
Im not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
Stress is just dessert spelled backward.
I was going to be productive today, but I decided to have a snack instead.
If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.
I didnt procrastinate. I just preferred to do my work in the ‘last-minute’ style.
I put the Pro in procrastination.
I like hashtags because they look like waffles.
If you cant convince them, confuse them.
I always carry a pencil in case I need to draw my attention away.
Anxiety is my favorite accessory.
Im silently correcting your grammar while we talk.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.