Some dads are like snowstorms: all bluster and no warmth.
A father’s love is like a Wi-Fi signal: you hope for a strong connection, but often it just drops out.
Behind every great kid is a dad who is pretty sure hes screwing it up.
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me.
Fatherhood: where the only constant is that you can never find the remote.
Some dads should put professional napper on their resume.
My dads idea of being responsible is making sure his beer is cold.
A dad can be a hero… unless its time to help with homework.
Fatherly advice: ‘Dont do as I do; do as I say, because I have no idea!’
My dad’s favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a stumblehe calls it ‘dad dancing.’
If fatherhood was a sport, my dad would be in the stands eating nachos.
My dad should get a trophy for ‘best excuses for missing family events.’
Dad: the man who solves all problems right after he finishes his TV show.
Growing up with my dad was like a rollercoaster, except all the thrills were unintentional.
If being a dad were a job, my dad would be the master of ‘creative accounting.’
A fathers love is like a shadow: its usually there but often a little shady.
The best advice my dad ever gave? ‘Just wing it; nobody really knows what they’re doing.’
Behind every broken toy is a dad who said, ‘It’ll be fine!’ while duct-taping the pieces.
A dads ability to fix things is directly proportional to how much he doesn’t want to!
If sarcasm were an Olympic sport, my dad would win gold… followed by a nap.
My dad is my personal expert on how to avoid responsibility.
Fatherhood: where your biggest cheerleader sometimes forgets your name.
Dad jokes: the soundtrack of my childhood and the ultimate form of self-defense.
Resourceful dad logic: Why fix it when you can just ignore it?
My dad taught me to stand up for myselfmainly by sitting down instead.
Dad: a professional eater of leftovers and master of ‘dad-isms.’
A dad’s idea of bonding: sitting in silence while watching the game.
If my dad were a superhero, his power would be disappearing during chores.
A father’s presence: known for both comfort and confusion in equal measure.
The only time my dad gets up early is for a big sale at his favorite store.
When I grow up, I hope to be just like my dad… so I can take more naps.
A dad’s definition of ‘quality time’ usually involves a couch and snacks.
If my dad had a motto, it would be: ‘Why do it today when you can put it off until tomorrow?’
My dad’s philosophy: ‘If it doesnt involve food or sleep, count me out.’
Fatherhood: where you learn to say ‘maybe later’ with expert precision.
If laziness were an art form, my dad would have a gallery.
The best part of my dads advice? It often comes attached with a snack.
Dads: the original experts in selective hearing.
A dads idea of cooking usually involves opening a can and calling it gourmet.
If my dad had a theme song, itd be ‘I Will Survive’ only hed be jamming to it while snoring.
Behind every mildly successful kid is a dad who forgot the point of the lesson.
My dads only exercise routine consists of jumping to conclusions.
Fatherhood is a constant reminder that love is often overrated in snack distribution.
Who needs a superhero when you have a dad who can expertly avoid chores?
If I had a dollar for every time my dad ‘forgot’ something, I’d have a college fund!