Marriage is like a deck of cards; in the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, youre wishing you had a club and a spade!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes!
My wife and I have a secret to making our marriage work: we never go to bed angry. We stay up and argue instead!
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!
When I said ‘I do’, I didn’t mean ‘I do everything!’
My husband thinks he’s the boss. I just let him believe it!
A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers and a great sense of humor!
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So, I got her nothing!
They say that marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops!
I told my wife she should be more adventurous. Now she’s asking if I need help finding my other sock!
Marriage is an all-you-can-eat buffet. Sometimes you overindulge, but you always come back for more!
My wife and I have an understanding: I dont understand her, and she doesnt expect me to!
The four most beautiful words in our common language are ‘I told you so!’
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person and knowing how to hide the remote!
My wifes cooking is so bad, we usually pray after we eat!
My husband and I joke that were getting older he calls me his antique!
I love my wife, but I often forget to take out the trash. Thats my real cross to bear!
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life and thats a beautiful thing!
The secret to a long marriage? Always remember to say yes, dear! and laugh a lot!
My husband thinks he’s a handyman. I think hes just a handy-ish man!
In our house, we always share the load… as long as it’s not the laundry!
My wife said she needed more space. So I bought her an entire room for her shoes!
I told my husband he needs to learn to listen. He said, ‘What? Oh, never mind!’
The beauty of marriage is that every night is date night! Both of you get to choose where to sleep!
If I had a dollar for every time my husband made me laugh, Id be rich and we still wouldnt be able to afford his sense of direction!
They say opposites attract. Thats why Im the romantic one, and my wife has a map!
My husband thinks hes so funny. The only thing cracking up is his knees!
My wife: Do I look fat in this dress? Me: Do I look dumb for answering that?
In our marriage, my wife is the queen, and Im just here to serve her!
They say laughter is the best medicine. Thats why I always keep my husband around as my personal clown!
Our marriage is like a comedy show, full of punchlines and no rehearsals!
I married my best friend; now I have a partner in crime and in eye-rolling!
My husband thinks working out is dangerous. I agree: the last time he exercised, he curled up on the couch!
Why do we see wedding rings on the wrong hand? Because once youre married, you only use the left hand to wave goodbye to your freedom!
If at first, you dont succeed in making your partner laugh, just tell them about your last cooking attempt!
Marriage is like a roller coaster: it has its ups and downs, but screaming together makes the ride worthwhile!
I finally found the perfect partner: someone who thinks my jokes are funny, even when I dont!
My wife and I decided to stop arguing about petty things. Now we argue about the big things… like whos turn it is to take out the trash!
I never knew love until my wife put up with all my dad jokes!
Marriage: where Can you hear me? turns into Can you believe what you just did?
I asked my wife what her favorite meal was. She replied, Anything that doesnt require me to cook!
The secret to our marriage? Teamwork. I make decisions, and she makes sure I dont!
I told my husband to take out the trash. He said it wasnt on his schedule. So I added it to his list!
Nothing says I love you quite like letting your partner have the last piece of pizza!