Hilarious Quotes About Exes – Laughing Through the Heartbreak

My ex and I are like software updates—never compatible, always a hassle.

I told my ex that I wanted space, so they moved to Mars.

Relationships are like algebra—x always equals my ex.

My ex told me I was too emotional. I replied, That’s rich coming from a rock.

I miss my ex like a squirrel misses its nuts… not at all!

My ex is like a broken pencil—pointless.

If my ex was a vegetable, they’d be a cucumber—always cool but never interesting.

My love life is like a haunted house—full of exes that want to scare me back.

I tried to be friends with my ex, but we just kept ending up in The Twilight Zone.

My ex is like wifi—always dropping out at the worst moments.

They say love is blind, but my ex had 20/20 vision when it came to blaming me.

My ex was like a magician—now you see them, now you don’t.

Sometimes I wonder how my ex’s new partner is doing… and then I stop wondering.

Being single is great; I can finally stop hearing we need to talk every week!

My ex is like a bad hairstyle—you just have to wait for it to grow out.

My ex and I are on a break—ever since we broke up.

Being dumped is like being audited—you know you did something wrong, but they never tell you what.

My ex is a perfect reminder of why I love pizza more than people.

My ex was thrilled to leave, but I’ve realized that leaving Tupperware in the fridge is the real heartbreak.

When my ex gets sad, I remind them I’m their best memory!

My ex must be allergic to commitment—it keeps making them break out!

If I had a dollar for every time my ex made a bad decision—I’d have my own island by now.

My ex is like a kid’s drawing—adorable but completely unrealistic.

My ex called me high-maintenance. I prefer to call it VALUE-ADDED.

They broke my heart, but at least I have empty pizza boxes to fill the void.

My ex had a great sense of humor—just not when it involved our relationship!

If my ex were a car, they’d be one that only goes in reverse.

My ex wishes me the best… from a safe distance.

My ex says they’re my biggest fan, but all they do is boo!

I’d say my ex wears their heart on their sleeve, but I’m pretty sure they lost it at the laundromat.

My ex acts like a GPS—always recalculating to avoid me!

My ex was like a storm—only good for drama and making a mess.

I’m convinced my ex moonlights as a magician, always disappearing when I need them.

Breaking up with my ex felt like a weather forecast—cloudy with a chance of tears.

My ex is like a diet plan—I keep promising I’ll get back to it, but I never do!

My love life feels like a game of Monopoly—everyone’s losing, and I’m just stuck in jail.

My ex and I had chemistry—too bad it was more like vinegar and baking soda.

If love is a battlefield, my ex was the one who showed up unarmed.

My ex is like a classic novel—everyone says I should appreciate it, but I don’t want to finish.

If only my ex were a library book—I could return them without any guilt.

My ex is a real-life example of why we can’t recycle relationships.

Staying friends with my ex is like taking a bath with a toaster—unpleasant and dangerous.

My ex argues like a lawyer—always too obsessed with the ‘case’ to see the truth.

If my ex were a dessert, they’d be burnt toast—still a bread, but nobody wants it.

My ex is like a personal trainer—pushing me to be better, but I just want to sit down with a donut!