My ex and I are like software updatesnever compatible, always a hassle.
I told my ex that I wanted space, so they moved to Mars.
Relationships are like algebrax always equals my ex.
My ex told me I was too emotional. I replied, That’s rich coming from a rock.
I miss my ex like a squirrel misses its nuts… not at all!
My ex is like a broken pencilpointless.
If my ex was a vegetable, they’d be a cucumberalways cool but never interesting.
My love life is like a haunted housefull of exes that want to scare me back.
I tried to be friends with my ex, but we just kept ending up in The Twilight Zone.
My ex is like wifialways dropping out at the worst moments.
They say love is blind, but my ex had 20/20 vision when it came to blaming me.
My ex was like a magiciannow you see them, now you dont.
Sometimes I wonder how my ex’s new partner is doing and then I stop wondering.
Being single is great; I can finally stop hearing we need to talk every week!
My ex is like a bad hairstyleyou just have to wait for it to grow out.
My ex and I are on a breakever since we broke up.
Being dumped is like being auditedyou know you did something wrong, but they never tell you what.
My ex is a perfect reminder of why I love pizza more than people.
My ex was thrilled to leave, but I’ve realized that leaving Tupperware in the fridge is the real heartbreak.
When my ex gets sad, I remind them I’m their best memory!
My ex must be allergic to commitmentit keeps making them break out!
If I had a dollar for every time my ex made a bad decisionId have my own island by now.
My ex is like a kid’s drawingadorable but completely unrealistic.
My ex called me high-maintenance. I prefer to call it VALUE-ADDED.
They broke my heart, but at least I have empty pizza boxes to fill the void.
My ex had a great sense of humorjust not when it involved our relationship!
If my ex were a car, theyd be one that only goes in reverse.
My ex wishes me the best from a safe distance.
My ex says theyre my biggest fan, but all they do is boo!
I’d say my ex wears their heart on their sleeve, but Im pretty sure they lost it at the laundromat.
My ex acts like a GPSalways recalculating to avoid me!
My ex was like a stormonly good for drama and making a mess.
I’m convinced my ex moonlights as a magician, always disappearing when I need them.
Breaking up with my ex felt like a weather forecastcloudy with a chance of tears.
My ex is like a diet planI keep promising Ill get back to it, but I never do!
My love life feels like a game of Monopolyeveryones losing, and Im just stuck in jail.
My ex and I had chemistrytoo bad it was more like vinegar and baking soda.
If love is a battlefield, my ex was the one who showed up unarmed.
My ex is like a classic noveleveryone says I should appreciate it, but I dont want to finish.
If only my ex were a library bookI could return them without any guilt.
My ex is a real-life example of why we cant recycle relationships.
Staying friends with my ex is like taking a bath with a toasterunpleasant and dangerous.
My ex argues like a lawyeralways too obsessed with the ‘case’ to see the truth.
If my ex were a dessert, they’d be burnt toaststill a bread, but nobody wants it.
My ex is like a personal trainerpushing me to be better, but I just want to sit down with a donut!